


The Schuyler Report

by ImhereImQuire



Category: Anita Blake: Vampire Hunter - Laurell K. Hamilton
Genre: Funny, Gen, Humour, Penis jokes, Silly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-12
Updated: 2013-01-12
Packaged: 2017-11-25 05:42:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 335
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/635698
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ImhereImQuire/pseuds/ImhereImQuire
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Richard's cock has a bit of a reputation but Jason answers the question that everyone wants to know; just how big is that thing?</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Schuyler Report

Oh.

My.

God.

Oh my double god.

Oh my double, triple, mega god!

Oh my.... yeah, you get the picture. But really. Oh my god, for pity’s sakes!

I crashed at Richard's place last night. We got wrecked, fell asleep and I ended up waking up on his couch, lay half on his lap to find myself getting poked in the eye! Really. He almost knocked my head off with his nocturnal wood and it wasn't even at full attention!

So, there I am unable to sleep, and with Richard's southern beast trying to get out of its shorts and grab my attention I had to wonder.... exactly how big *is* that thing? I mean we've all heard the rumours, we've all seen hints... but that just doesn't answer the question. So with nothing to do and a ruler sat upon the table... well, you connect the dots. I did what any courageous scientific explorer would do.

I did a bit of scientific research. In other words got out the goods and measured. Of course 'half awake' is not very precise or in the public’s interest, so I did have to give him a bit of... encouragement first. Just to get him to full salute. Well forget about the ruler… I should have used a fucking yard-stick! It takes a brave man to go up against a beast like that, I could have been mauled! But just because I love you all so very, very much….

The moment you've all been waiting for...

The Schuyler Report! * Shuffles papers in an official, news anchor-ly way *

Richard's manhood measures in at a Herculean *Drum rolls on table!* Ten and one quarter inches, exactly.

I know. Holy. Mother. Of. Fuck.

I'm surprised I didn't get a black eye!

But if he ever finds out about this I very definitely will so lets not let this get back to him, shall we?

But even if he never finds out thank you Mr Zeeman. You make science fun !!

* Evil Grin *


End file.
